dating today

Dating is difficult.

For everyone who seems to have found the “one” without even trying, I envy you.

It hasn’t been that simple for me. In fact, it hasn’t been simple at all. Every date and relationship has been different- some good, some bad- but I’ve learned a lot along the way.

I’ve learned that I don’t do virtual dating. It works for some people and I’m not one of them. I’ve learned that first dates are almost always awkward. They just are. I’ve learned that age is merely a number. A guy can be 10 years older than me and still extremely immature. Likewise, he can be younger and have the life-experience of a 30 year old. I’ve learned that relationships are about compromise. You give and you take and you don’t ever hold the giving over each other’s heads. I’ve learned that honesty is key. Being open and up-front about what you want, need, and desire is the only way you’ll ever attain it. Nobody can read minds. I’ve learned that trust is the foundation of every friendship and every relationship must be built from a solid friendship. I’ve learned a lot.

But there is one thing that I’ve learned that stands above all the rest…

In order to love another, you must love yourself.

Don’t rely on another person to bring you happiness. Find it within yourself and then share it in the form of loving someone else. That is where beautiful relationships spark, grow, and flourish.

DSC_0271Love happens when you stop searching and start living. Trust in that.

Here’s to a little self-love…

-Emily

 

31 comments
  1. Hannah said:

    This was much needed. I feel so alone when I see everyone my age getting married and having children. I’ve never even had a boyfriend for gosh sakes!!! But I know that I am still in the process of learning to love myself and life is all about timing. It will happen when it’s meant to 🙂 thank you for this though, it was a good reminder!

    • Emily said:

      Yes, yes, yes…I’m right there with you. So many of my friends are engaged or married and it can be really difficult to deal with. But, like you said, life is all about timing. What’s meant to be will happen when the time is right. (:

  2. YES! So, so true. I haven’t had it so easy either, dating sucks haha. BUT I truly do believe you must love yourself first.

    • Emily said:

      It really does. But I’m convinced that it will get better! All of the bad experiences are just preparing us for the perfect one, right? ❤

      • adashofmeg said:

        YES! All the shitty relationships prepare you for the best one ever, girls!

  3. adashofmeg said:

    AHHHHHHH fricken chills all over my body. you are wise beyond your years, my love. and i love you so much.

    • Emily said:

      Aw…that made my day. Thank you so much.
      And seeing the love that you’ve found is such an inspiration to me and proof that it does exist out!

      xo

  4. Lisa said:

    Oh yahh, can so relate to this one. I’ve never tried the whole online dating situation but dating in general is just a crazy life experience some of the time. Especially how it can go from really good to awful in such a short period. I’m with you there lady.

    • Emily said:

      It’s so true! It’s a roller coaster.

      Definitely steer clear of online dating. I mean, I’ve had friends that found huge success with it but it was always extremely uncomfortable for me. Plus, it feels really…forced? If that makes sense. haha

  5. So so true. All of it. Relationships are a holistic thing, it can’t survive based on just one thing or the other.
    Self love is oh so important to make a relationship work. You need to be a whole person on your own before you can even think about being part of someone else.

    {Teffy’s Perks} X

    • Emily said:

      I love that you call them holistic- that’s exactly it. (:

  6. i absolutely feel you on this–my dating life has been tumultuous and pretty ridiculous, so i’ve started focusing on just being the happiest me i can be instead of focusing on dating. hopefully it will work out in the end…

    • Emily said:

      I think that’s all we can do. I’ve found that, the more I force it, the less success I have. So, maybe letting go and allowing the universe to do it’s thing will be more beneficial…at least I hope so. (:

  7. Ashley said:

    I love that you shared this, especially the last part, because I think a lot of girls can get caught up in being in a relationship and basing their self-worth on that, when we need to love ourselves first! Dating is rough (and I haven’t even had that much experience with it!) but I know that when I do get into a relationship, I have to trust the process and continue to find happiness within myself, instead of trying to chase after a certain ideal.

    • Emily said:

      You worded that so perfectly. I think a lot of us are constantly searching for an “ideal” relationship when, in reality, that doesn’t exist. It’s all about compromise and loving yourself first so that you can fully invest in the other person and allow them to love you for who you are.

      xoxo

  8. Love this post. Exactly what I needed to read! I haven’t had much experience in dating since I was in two long term relationships (5 years and 2 years) and now I feel completely lost on how to get back in the whole dating scene ahaha as silly as it sounds. As much as I loved being in both of those relationships I always find myself questioning/wishing that I had been single when I was younger. But everything is a learning experience, no matter if it is a date or a relationship and you learn more about yourself in the process. xo

    • Emily said:

      Wow, those are definitely long relationships. Even though you may wish you had been single sometimes, everything happens for a reason. You are the person that you are because of those relationships and now you’ve been given the opportunity to experience the dating scene when you’re a little more mature and self-aware. (:

  9. squigglefloey said:

    Ugh, I have no idea what I would do if I went back into the dating world. I’d probably fail, and fail hard! Even though I’m in relationship it’s tough (especially because it’s long distance). But regardless of whether relationships are LD or not, I’m going to say that they require a lot of maintenance — and so does taking care of yourself and loving yourself. So, basically everything in life requires a lot of time, effort, and persistence 😛 (i think).

    • Emily said:

      Long distance relationships are horrible…I give you major props for maintaining it. I dealt with that a few years ago and I couldn’t believe how hard it was.
      But you’re right…relationships are like everything else in life- they require a lot of nurturing!

  10. Taylor said:

    Ugh…I can so totally relate to this and love the reminder! I think we all need to content with everything within our lives before we can let someone else into them. I’m one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason and when the time is right, you will meet the right one. (of course, not before a few trial and error relationships)
    But lets be honest, I have those moments where everyone I know is in a new relationship, getting engaged, or having a baby..and I’m here like I have Starbucks and my cat. 🙂

    • Emily said:

      I completely agree with that too. Sometimes (hopefully all the time) the “failed” relationships prepare us for the perfect one.

      And girl…I’m right there with you on the Starbucks/cat front. That’s my life. Literally. (:

  11. Irina said:

    I couldn’t agree more!!! I’m a big advocate of the “love yourself first” mantra because it couldn’t be any truer. How are you supposed to love and care for anyone (family, friends, bfs, etc.) if you don’t even know how to love and care for yourself? This is one of the main reasons I gave myself so much “time off” from dating & relationships after ending my 3-year long relationship back in 2012. I knew that I had to take time to get to know myself first and foremost.

    Ah the dating world..I’m just not slowly starting to enter it here in NYC and it’s already been an interesting adventure. Trial and error, trial and error haha

    • Emily said:

      Exactly! That’s why I took such a long break from dating as well. It’s necessary, especially when you’re coming out of a long-term relationship.

      Why must dating in big cities be so difficult? I mean, there are men EVERYWHERE…yet, I can’t seem to meet any that aren’t taken, pretentious, or gay. Le sigh. haha

  12. Kelly said:

    First dates are the worst!

  13. Oh Emily! You are wise beyond your years, my sweet friend! Though I am nearly 30 years old, I am still learning as I go…but I will say that you hit the nail on the head with the biggest lessons here! Communication is most definitely the key…and also being true to yourself! Love the passion in this post!

    • Emily said:

      Aw! Thank you, Heather! This comment made my day.

      I think being open and honest are definitely the most important things and it seems like you’ve definitely found that in your relationship. You’ve always been someone that I look up to so thank you for that!

  14. This is simply inspiring 🙂 I’m 17 and I’m still waiting for my official first date but I guess … it’s alright.
    “Love happens when you stop searching and start living.”
    Thank you for the post ^__^

    • Emily said:

      Oh my goodness…you’re still so young! Don’t even begin to stress about dating yet– you have plenty of time! Plus, boys at 17 still have a looot of growing up to do. (:

      And thank you for your sweet comment!

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