it’s personal

And right when I thought that things were finally getting better, we’re back at square one.

I don’t know what to think, what to say, how to feel…I’m just exhausted. The roller coaster that my mom, sister, and I have been on for the past 10 months feels never-ending. I look back on 2013 and it’s just a giant blur of changes, confusion, and struggle. I wish I could listen to my own advice and focus on all of the good things in my life but sometimes it’s impossible. Sometimes I’m not strong.

I don’t want to talk details (per usual); however, I do have one thing to say…

Addiction is a horrible, horrible disease. It comes in all shapes and sizes and manifests itself in a million different ways. If you have an addictive personality, be careful. If you currently struggle with an addiction, be brave enough to ask for help. If you have a loved one that has allowed addiction to take over their life, be strong. You are not alone. Watching someone crumble under the weight of addiction is heartbreaking and it’s only human for us to reach out and try to help. But you can’t force someone to get healthy. They have to want it. Until then, love them from a distance. Don’t enable them. And don’t let them rob you of your happiness. That’s yours and you damn-well deserve it.

44ca437f8b181b5e3e1d5c8d0caa236cThis blog is personal. I’m writing for myself just as much as I’m writing for you. I’m on a journey and I’m opening up about the beautiful and not-so-beautiful aspects of it. My hope is that I’m able to help one person- just one. If I do that, it’s all worthwhile. If I do that, everything makes a little more sense.

Here’s to being strong in the face of pain…



  1. You ARE strong, even if you have moments of weakness — you’ll see them through. Sending thoughts and prayers to you and your loved ones ❤

    • Emily said:

      Thank you, Amanda. I actually really needed to hear that. ❤

  2. carrie said:

    times like these i wish i could jump through the screen and give hugs out. hang in there dear!

    • Emily said:

      Aw, thank you! Virtual hugs are just as helpful sometimes. (:

  3. Ellie said:

    Aw girl what happened?

  4. Ashley said:

    Thinking of you girlie–hope you’re doing alright! I know you have the strength to get through this though, even though it seems tough right now ❤

    • Emily said:

      Thank you so much. ❤

  5. Lisa said:

    Thinking of you during these hard moments in life<3
    You will get through these tough times stronger than ever. I truly believe that.

    • Emily said:

      I do too. It’s just hard to see sometimes. Thank you for all of your constant support and sweet comments.

  6. I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through something involving addiction, I know from secondhand experience how painful it can be. I’m sending good vibes your way every day, lovely.

    • Emily said:

      Thank you so much. xoxo

  7. Emily, I wish I could just give you a big hug. I know you’ve been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately and this is probably just compounding it into more stress and frustration. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Addiction is so crippling. Not only for the person addicted but for everyone he or she is connected with as well. Try to stay strong and focus on the positive aspects of your life. Sometimes the only thing we can do is keep living for ourselves when we are unable to control or change the lives of others. Anytime you need to vent or talk just text me. We’re all here if you need us. 🙂

    • Emily said:

      Aw, this actually brought tears to my eyes.I feel really lucky to have people like you to reach out to when I need support. Thank you. xoxo

  8. Sending warm thoughts your way, beautiful. An old friend of mine (who I sadly don’t keep in touch with anymore) is in and out of rehab. It’s so difficult to see happen as she was a student athlete and qualified for Olympic Trials. Addiction is an ugly, and completely underestimated, disease. Hang in there ❤

    • Emily said:

      I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve witnessed/dealt with the horrible consequences of addiction too. It’s horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thank you for the warm thoughts. ❤

  9. Taylor said:

    I’m so sorry to hear you and your family are going through such a hard time. If I lived closer I would be there as I have gone through something similar with a family member. Hang in there, I will be sending positive thoughts your way ❤

    • Emily said:

      Thank you, Taylor.
      Hopefully I’ll be seeing you in January! (:

      • Taylor said:

        YES! I will email you soon with more details 🙂

  10. P said:

    You are amazing for sharing this with us. Thanks for being so honest.
    Hopefully just sharing this gives you some relief. I know that for me that when I share my thoughts with others who are close to me, it really helps me deal with whatever I may be going through.

    • Emily said:

      It actually gave me a lot of relief. Thank you. (:

  11. I’m sorry to hear it’s taken a turn for the worse again but honestly: you ARE a strong and amazing person for going through this never losing hope. You’ve tried what you could but there’s a point when you can’t give anymore without giving yourself up. And it’s not selfish to strive for your happiness just because you can’t make others work on finding theirs.
    Okay, sorry for the ramble. While I can’t be there for you in person [I wish!] please know I’m always just an e-mail away! ❤

    • Emily said:

      You always know how to make me feel better. Seriously. Thank you. And thank you for your sweet email yesterday- it came at the perfect time. ❤

  12. Emily,
    I love reading your blog. It helps me stay focused on the positives in my life and really stop to think about things. I wish I knew what you were going through, it sounds very similar to things I’ve experienced within my family. Addiction is a terrible thing and it certainly ruins relationships and lives every day. But, I’ve seen it go the other direction too. It makes us stronger, more accepting and understanding and allows us to really appreciate life. I’ll think good thoughts for you and your family and I hope some day you can share with us what your struggles are. No judgement, I’m pretty sure all your readers love and care about you!

    • Emily said:

      Aw, this comment literally made my day.
      I can’t tell you how much it helps to know that other people can relate to what I’m feeling (although I wouldn’t wish this on anyone). But you’re right, it has made me appreciate things so much more and has brought my family closer than ever. Everything happens for a reason.

      Sending positive vibes your way. xoxo

  13. I hope things are a little better since this post. I’m behind but I’m always here for you. You are stronger than you think and you can overcome anything that comes. Stay Positive and Think Good Thoughts! Sending Love and Hugs.

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