enough is enough

I’m a “fixer”. I always have been and always will be.

What does that mean exactly?

For me, it means that I like to help people. I always feel like it’s my duty to be there when people need guidance, advice, aid, etc. When I see a problem, I want to help fix it. That’s just my personality.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes I’m able to say things that get through to people or guide them in a direction towards happiness. Sometimes I’m able to help alleviate the pain they’re dealing with and reassure them that they deserve freedom from whatever is holding them back. And that’s amazing.

But, sometimes it doesn’t work. Sometimes people don’t want to be helped. Sometimes they don’t see a problem, even when their negativity is hurting the people around them. Sometimes they don’t care.

For us “fixers”, that’s hard to accept. We’ll keep trying and trying, convincing ourselves that one day they’ll see the light. When we genuinely love and care about someone, it’s hard to ever step away.

Sometimes we have to.

I write this post with tears in my eyes. I know how hard it is. To feel like I’m “giving up” on someone is easily one of the scariest, saddest, and most heart-breaking things I’ve ever experienced. But, it’s important to know when enough is enough. We can fight forever but, when people refuse to accept help, there’s nothing we can do. There comes a time when we have to put ourselves first. We can’t allow another person’s toxicity stand in the way of our happiness, no matter how much we love them.

In my life, I’m turning that corner.

I’ll save the gritty details- they don’t matter anyways. The point is this:

Fight for the one’s you love. Fight as hard as you can. But when that fight starts to pull you down-mentally, emotionally, and physically- step away. You’re not failing. You’re just refusing to sink.

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy.”

-Jose N. Harris

This post is vague on purpose. My hope is that each one of you can relate in your own personal way. Hold your loved ones close. Be thankful for the people that fill your life with joy and happiness. Don’t succumb to hate. Don’t let people drag you down. Don’t spread their negativity. Don’t give in to pain.

You deserve bliss. Never, ever forget that.

Here’s to knowing when enough is enough…

-Emily

21 comments
  1. Marcee said:

    Hi Emily …. new reader here.

    Interesting post. For sure I am similar to you. Same type personality. Not sure if that is bad, good or not so great. For years and years and years I’ve tried to help other people …. families, children, etc. I’ve also rescued pets for over 25 years. There have been countless rough times. Especially when you consider the finances of doing good deeds/mitzvas for others. I’ve never expected anything in return. Does this mean we are dumb or maybe stupid? I don’t know. How can we judge?

    These days, (maybe for many years & I did not take notice) folks can be (are!) cheap & tight with their monies. I’ve seen it so often. Even among family and their own children. Just amazes me very much.

    Now I will take your excellent advice! Actually, I have begun changing many of my “bad habits” already. I do not readily give as I did in the past. It seems to be working out very well …. much better.

    Thanks for the advice! ; ) I love learning from the younger generations.

    • Emily said:

      Hi Marcee!
      First of all, thank you for stopping by and taking the time to leave such a lovely comment.
      Second, I’m right there with you. It’s a never-ending battle and I’m still learning (a lot!) but it’s nice when we begin to realize that it’s okay to put ourselves first sometimes. I’m glad that making those changes is helping you already. (:

  2. Lisa said:

    I’m totally that exact type of personality as well! In the past it has gotten me into a lot of sticky situations because I always like to see other people happy rather than myself. Now I’m learning it is in fact not selfish to make myself happy first.
    Great post my friend!

    • Emily said:

      Thank you, Lisa!
      And you’re right- it’s not selfish at all. But it always feels that way!

  3. squigglefloey said:

    I’m definitely a fixer with my family. I feel like I have to help all of them solve their problems (parents and younger brother). But you’re right — if they don’t want help then there’s nothing more you can do.
    With my friends I’m more of a listener…
    Don’t worry, you mean the best.

    • Emily said:

      Thank you, love. xoxo

      And being a listener with your friends is an amazing, amazing trait. Not many people can do that.

  4. mitchell-james said:

    I’ve only been reading your blog for a few days, but it is certainly becoming one of my favourites.

    “Don’t succumb to hate. Don’t let people drag you down” – you couldn’t be more right on. Misery loves company and it seems as though sometimes positive (in this case, fixers) tend to bear the brunt of negative energy. It needs somewhere/someone to be directed at – and as a result, it is leveled at people who don’t deserve it.

    In the words of my idol (Cher): follow your bliss.

    • Emily said:

      Thank you, thank you, thank you.
      I’m so glad that you’re enjoying my blog (and that you commented so I could find yours!)
      Misery DOES love company, unfortunately. And it’s exhausting to constantly be dragged down by someone’s negative energy.
      And I LOVE that quote from Cher. Literally what my blog is based on. ❤

  5. Taylor said:

    It’s funny because I just recently was told that I am a fixer…I actually never realized my intentions were to cater to those around me. After a most recent breakdown I was told by someone I dearly care for that this may be the reason I am being held back in some areas of my life. That I take care of others too often before I take care of myself which is something that I need to try to even out. The thing though is sometimes being the fixer, we don’t get fixed ourselves and that is when things go wrong.

    I hope you find your bliss in this situation, Emily. ❤

    • Emily said:

      It’s definitely something that we have to find a balance with. Having the desire to help others is an amazing trait but not when it stands in the way of our own happiness.
      Thank you so much.

  6. I can definitely relate. I feel like I always need to be in control and want to make everything right even if the situation doesn’t necessarily involve me. Great post<3

    • Emily said:

      It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Thank you. ❤

  7. Sending hugs, love ❤ I can definitely relate to wanting to fix everyone's hurt, but you're right – there comes a time where we have to start putting ourselves first. It doesn't mean we're being selfish or that we don't care, but people won't get better unless they themselves want to… and it's not selfish to walk away from that, it's just self-care.

    • Emily said:

      Thank you, Amanda. I really appreciate it. And getting reassurance that what I’m doing is okay makes me feel so much better.

  8. P said:

    Such a thoughtful post! It can be so difficult to try to help someone who doesn’t want it, or who doesn’t even understand that you are trying to do something for the benefit of their well-being. It’s crucial we don’t sacrifice our own happiness in the process…

    “Don’t spread their negativity.” <— such an important thing to remember!

    • Emily said:

      Exactly. Thank you for your sweet comment!

  9. Ashley said:

    You said it all! Amen to all this. It’s hard to accept, but sometimes we just have to realize that we can’t help everyone, and that says more about the person in question than ourselves. And it’s okay not to have all the answers!

    • Emily said:

      Ahh… “It’s okay not to have all the answers” <— I needed to be reminded of that. Thank you!

  10. I realized in college we can’t help everyone. Especially when they don’t want to be helped. All we can do is tell them how we feel and let them figure it out. We tried and we have to move on. We can’t let them drag us down. It’s sad to say but there’s only so much we can do. There was a guy that I liked tremendously and he me but he knew I would never be with him until he cleaned up his act. Nevertheless, he didn’t and we got distant. A year later I got a handwritten note from him telling me that I changed his life and that he’s not asking for my forgiveness but that he hopes I never gave up on him. I didn’t give up on him. No matter how far apart we were I never gave up. Because I distanced myself from him, he started to see what I saw and now he’s better. No more drug or alcohol abuse or smoking. So proud of him and of course we both moved on but it’s nice to know that I helped someone. I hope whoever it is will realize that you were just trying to help. Sorry for the long post …………. haha ❤

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