After this much time, I bet you never thought you’d see me here again. To be honest, posting has been the last thing on my mind for…well, months. And while I apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, I’m not sorry about where it has landed me.
This blog has served a lot of purposes over the years; an outlet, an escape, and a place to build friendships. It led me to discover how much I love writing and how passionate I am about helping girls around the world discover a life that they are proud to live. But it also held me back from a lot of things. It helped me to justify seclusion, an obsession with controlling every aspect of my life, and my disordered lifestyle itself. It helped me publicly put on a happy face when all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cry. It was my ultimate excuse.
I look back at old posts, the ones where I’m convinced that I’m “healthy” and “balanced” and am reminded of a lifestyle far from what I portrayed. Sure, I had made progress from the darkest days, but was I healthy and balanced? Hell no.
My life has flip-flopped all over the place for years because I was convinced that the right job or the right lifestyle or the right friend circle would make me happy. Guys, that’s not how it works. No amount of money, no person, and no social popularity can fix the insecurities that live deep within us. We have to face those and deal with them before we can find happiness.
It took me hitting rock bottom mid-2015 to finally turn things around.
I won’t go into the details of that horrible time because it’s not worth discussing.
All that matters is where I’ve ended up.
First and foremost, I met the love of my life. Some may say that it’s too soon to be sure, but I am. When you know, you know. This man has brought more joy and light into my life than I ever thought imaginable and I will never be able to thank him enough for all that he does for me. Second, I found a job that I genuinely LOVE. It appeared out of thin air when I was jobless and virtually homeless back in November 2015, and it has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. If you feel like you have no where to turn and all hope is lost, trust. God has a way of ensuring that everything works out – usually in a way you never could have imagined. Third, I stopped hating myself. I know that sounds so cliche and ridiculous but it’s true. I stopped pushing away good things because I thought I was unworthy of them, I stopped despising what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I stopped searching for external validation. I started to love myself and the beautiful life I have been given…and that is the most important thing of all.
So will I continue blogging??
To be honest, it’s not in the cards right now. I’m not going to delete this page because I think it serves as a huge representation of my journey, but I won’t be posting on here anymore – at least for the time being. I want to focus on the beautiful life in front of me, not the life hidden within a computer screen. There’s so much to be seen, felt, heard, experienced…and I want to enjoy it, completely.
To all of you who have followed and supported me for the past 3 years, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. You all mean more to me than you will ever know. If you ever need to reach me or just want to talk, I am always available at emily.dryden(at)yahoo(dot)com and you can also follow me on instagram @missemmmysue❤
Here’s to the future…