freedom from fear

I’m a perfectionist. Plain and simple. And, although I’ve never been officially diagnosed, I know that I also have minor OCD. Throughout my life the obsessive habits have manifested themselves in a variety of ways: school, acting and modeling, exercise, my eating habits, organization and cleanliness, following a specific schedule and routine, the list goes on…

I let my desire for perfection and success consume me. I wanted nothing more than to please certain people (okay, one person…) in my life and, unfortunately, this person set ridiculously high standards for me. I disregarded my thoughts and feelings and found validation solely from external sources.

For those of us with extreme Type A personalities, there really is no escape. It’s a part of who we are and it’s something we’re forced to live with our entire lives. The key is to manage it in a healthy way.

When I was ‘working’ in the entertainment industry, every day was a mystery. Every audition brought on feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear that I wasn’t going to be good enough. I wanted so badly to be successful so that I could make that certain person proud and I felt like a failure if I didn’t get the part. And you know what? 99% of the time I didn’t. That’s the reality of the business. It seems glamourous on the surface but it can be one of the loneliest careers on the planet. I was under-eating, over-exercising, and pushing myself 24/7 to cope with the fear that constantly lived within me.

The day I got a part-time job at a restaurant was the day that everything changed for me. It gave me an outlet- a place to channel all of my energy and completely forget about everything else. I began to realize that I had never been happy in pursuing a career as an actress and I had only been doing it because I thought I was supposed to. It sounds ridiculous but that’s the honest truth.

I feel like a lot of people can relate to this on some level. Sometimes we become so accustomed to an unhappy reality that we forget what true freedom feels like. We obsess over pleasing the people around us and doing the “right” things which aren’t necessarily the things that bring us joy.

Having an obsessive personality doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It can be managed and dealt with just like anything else. We just have to take an honest look within ourselves and understand where the need for control stems from. Once we do that, the thoughts have no power. We’re able to release them and take the reigns in our lives again. Constantly craving control is not freedom. We shouldn’t fear change and we shouldn’t let the desire for perfection keep us from doing the things that we love.

You have the power and strength to find freedom and happiness. It is within you. You’re not going to find true happiness in a career, a person, or an amount of money…it’s impossible. A “perfect” reality doesn’t exist- it never will- and that’s okay. That’s what makes life beautiful. So embrace the unknown, enjoy the imperfections, find joy in the little things, and- most importantly- find love within yourself.

Here’s to freeing ourselves from the burden of perfection…

-Emily

inside my brain #1

A look into my brain and the thoughts that are currently consuming it…
Stop running. Stop hiding. Stop dwelling. Stop waiting. Stop obsessing. Stop stressing. Just stop.

It’s Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013 <– the only one you’ll ever get. Yesterday doesn’t matter and tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Live right now. Do the things that make you happy. Smile. Laugh. Find joy and peace within yourself and then share it with the people around you. Embrace each precious moment for exactly what it is. Live a life that you love and love the life that you live.

Easy? No. Possible? Definitely. We’re growing, we’re learning, and we’re all in this together.

Here’s to finding a reason to be happy right this second…

-Emily

love-filled heartache

Here we are again. Devastation.

Photos and videos of the tornado that wreaked havoc on Oklahoma are plastering the internet, television, and social media. Less than 24 hours later, the images of destruction are already engraved into our minds. There is no explanation. There is no person at fault. There is no escape.

Nature is powerful. Our world is fragile. As humans, we take those facts for granted. We shouldn’t have to fear it but we also shouldn’t turn a blind eye to it. The actions we take directly affect our planet and, whether or not they’re immediate, there are consequences. Air pollution, water pollution, global warming…these things are real and they’re starting to catch up with us. We’ve been blessed with a beautiful planet and it’s our responsibility to cherish it, care for it, and show it complete love. 

That being said, nothing can take back the events of yesterday. So, reach out and lend a helping hand in whatever way you can. If you can donate blood, donate it. If you can give money, give it. If you can send clothes, blankets, food, anything, send it. If nothing else, share love and support for those that need it. And use this as an opportunity to appreciate the amazing things in your life. No matter what hardships your facing, be thankful for the beauty that surrounds you. You are blessed.

Here’s to coming together as a country, once again…

-Emily

(photo source: New York Times)

new kid on the block

I’m still alive and kicking over here, I promise. I’ve just been running around all week like a chicken with my head cut off (um, ew…) and never had a chance to sit down and put together a blog post. On the bright side, I did manage to have an amazing girl’s night filled with shopping and Chipotle on Wednesday! (PS: I wish you could see the deliciousness under that lettuce mound of lettuce…)

But, we’ve made it to Friday- hallelujah!

I started training at my second job this week and I’m having an absolute blast. My coworkers and manager are awesome and the fast-paced environment keeps me on my toes. Of course starting any new job comes with it’s own set of challenges- learning how things work, memorizing recipes/protocols/methods/etc., and understanding the business flow, just to name a few. But I’ve discovered a few tips and tricks that make the process a little more bearable…

New Job Training Tips:

1.) Be Patient: You’re going to make mistakes. It’s part of the learning process and it’s perfectly okay. Nobody expects you to be perfect right away so don’t put that unnecessary pressure on yourself. Take your time, learn, and don’t beat yourself up. It’ll all become second-nature before you know it.

2.) Observe: Watch the way your manager and coworkers do things. Take in the environment, the flow, the energy- everything. I’ve found that I learn better by watching and doing than by talking about it.

3.) Do Your Homework: I know this sounds silly when we’re talking about a job but it will make a huge difference and you’ll impress everyone around you. If there are things to memorize (coffee recipes and codes, in my case) then take a few minutes every night to review them. Sure it’s a little extra work but it will make your training and actual time on the clock much less stressful.

4.) Be Confident: Being the “new kid” is awkward no matter what. But fake it ’till you make it. Don’t be cocky or rude but handle your job with confidence. Don’t be afraid to take initiative and try to figure things out on your own. Everyone around you will appreciate that you’re giving it your best shot.

5.) Ask Questions: And, most importantly, listen to the answers. It definitely feels annoying to ask a zillion questions when you’re starting a new job but that’s okay- people expect it. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it and make sure you fully understand everything before you move on. There are no stupid questions- it only becomes annoying when you ask the same question over and over.

6.) Have Fun! Seriously. I love working. Being productive feels good and I love knowing that I helped make a difference in someone’s day- even if it was just a cup of coffee or an enjoyable meal. Stay positive, have fun, and make the most of your job (whatever it is)- you’re lucky to have it!

As simple as all of these things sound, they can make a huge difference when they’re implemented into training for a new job. I’m planning to do a series of posts about jobs, scheduling, and staying organized and positive amidst the chaos. So, if you have any specific questions, please let me know!

Here’s to new beginnings and a gorgeous weekend…

-Emily

personally proud

My weekend >>>

I didn’t get to see my mom for Mother’s Day (I was working) but thankfully I was able to go home and celebrate with her last weekend, so I didn’t feel like I missed out too much. It was another weekend filled with work, friends, warm hot weather, a little shopping, and smiles. Just the way I like it.

All of the changes that I’ve been dealing lately with in regards to my family have left me thinking a lot about parent-child relationships. No two families are exactly alike and we were all raised with different rules, expectations, and values. Every family dynamic is different and that’s a beautiful thing.

However, all of our differences aside, there seem to be two common denominators:

1. Parents want the ‘best’ for their children.

2. Children want to make their parents proud.

There’s definitely nothing wrong with either fact- they’re great, actually- as long as they don’t become obsessions. And unfortunately, that happens more frequently that we’d care to admit.

Growing up, I dealt with both of these things. Being a perfectionist, I wanted nothing more than to always be the best. Okay, that’s great. But eventually I fell into the trap of only feeling good about myself when I was validated by someone else. Not so great. I put the desires of a parent before my own and, ultimately, suppressed the things that made me happy to pursue what they wanted.

It has taken years and I still struggle with it on a daily basis. Recently, I’ve come to realize that it’s not okay for a parent to have such high and specific expectations that you feel limited. Figuring out what we want to do with our lives is difficult enough without the burden of wondering whether or not our parents will be proud of our choices. A child’s happiness should be enough to make them happy.

As we grow up, we’re constantly changing- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That’s part of life. Through it all we must remember that, no matter what the world around us is saying, we’re entitled to our own happiness. Find joy and validation within yourself, not from external sources- that’s the only way that you’ll ever feel completely fulfilled. Make your parents proud by listening to your heart and believing in yourself. Then live a life that you’re proud to call your own. 

Here’s to discovering strength from within…

-Emily

the earth is my gym

First off, thank you all so much for your sweet comments on my hair! I could never have imagined that I’d love it this much. I feel lighter, physically, mentally, and emotionally and it’s absolutely amazing!

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m a sunshine gal. If it was summertime year-round, I’d be happy. What can I say? I was born and raised in California and we love being outside in the warm weather!

For the past month I’ve been toying with the idea of canceling my gym membership for the summer. Not only is it a good 20-minute drive from my apartment, it’s expensive. And since I can do (almost) everything at my apartment or outside, it seems rather pointless. I do know I’ll miss the classes but there are spin/yoga studios and tons of hiking trails all within walking distance of me. But the truth of the matter is that my life just no longer revolves around exercise and I don’t need a gym anymore.

For example, I went to the park near my house earlier this week and created this 20-30 minute cardio workout. It incorporates sprints rather than steady-state running and the intervals will keep your heart rate up the entire time. Plus, it flies by since you’re not doing any one thing for longer than a minute!

The circuit is 5 minutes long so you can repeat it however many times you’d like! I suggest 4-6 for a 20 or 30 minute cardio workout. Make sure you cool down and stretch afterwards to avoid injury or soreness and don’t push yourself if something feels uncomfortable. Of course, this could also be done in a gym- just hop off the treadmill for the walking lunches and jump squats!

What are your thoughts on gym memberships during the summer?

Here’s to sunshine and summertime…

-Emily

you have been chopped

When was the last time you took a risk? When was the last time you did something completely out of your comfort zone? When was the last time you truly embraced change? Seriously. Think about it.

I spent the past three years of my life in a constant state of fear. I was afraid of making a mistake or making a bad choice- I was afraid of being imperfect. It started out as a desire for success and manifested into an obsession with perfection. I searched for validation from the people around me and completely lost sight of who I was. The worst part? I couldn’t even see that it was happening.

The past 6 months have changed me. I’ve begun to truly discover the Emily that I was covering up. I’m figuring out the things that make me happy and embracing the spontaneity of life. I’m not perfect and I’m probably going to make a million mistakes along the way but that’s all part of life’s journey.

Yesterday I decided to finally do something that I’ve secretly wanted to do for years…

Yep. I chopped it all off.

My hair has always been my security blanket which I’m sure many girls can understand. I was deathly afraid that I wouldn’t feel “pretty” with short hair. How ridiculous, right? I’ve secretly craved a change like this for as long as I can remember but refused to honor the way I was feeling. Until now…

I feel confident. I feel beautiful. I feel alive. I feel free. I feel like myself.

So, don’t be afraid of doing something crazy. The results might just surprise you.

Here’s to being bold and building bliss…

-Emily